WMDs, Spray Paint and Foul Mouthed Women

05/01/2018

Over the last week, the disorganized militia of the social justice movement, red factions, anarchists and foul mouthed female propagandists posing as comedians, mounted a full frontal assault on the people of the United States. The attack however faltered as the red factions attempted to place their feet upon the beaches of American common sense and freedom of speech.

The initial attack began at the first point of embarkation at the annual White House correspondents dinner, as an unknown female communist operative and propagandist, attempted to destroy the reputation of an American Patriot. The patriot was a front line soldier assigned to communications duty at the White House under the current President. The attack was repulsed when the disorganized red factions failed to properly assess their enemies strength, thus handing the victory over to the patriot organization(s) who are so well entrenched, that only minimal resistance was needed to stop the attack. However an assessment of the red factions damage, indicated substantial losses, many dead left on the battlefield and tarnished reputations to last a life time.

May first marked the beginning of the red factions traditional "May Day" terroristic celebrations. Activities such as smashing windows of local businesses owned by small business owners, burning trash cans, destroying public property and attacking defenseless small animals, women and children are a regular annual occurrence all over the world on this speeee-shallllll day. However, in the United States, the emasculated males and their over zealous female fellow feminist cadre who occupy the ranks of the red factions, do not seem to have enough intestinal fortitude for attacking living things or smashing the windows out of their Mom's favorite donut shop. So now they have taken to the destruction of inanimate objects, (with their weapon of choice... Spray paint), such as old statutes of dead soldiers, pictures of American Patriots, cartoon characters and anything they might be slightly offended by. The red factions militaristic temper tantrums have been on the rise in the U.S as the bad winter weather patterns have persisted, and temperature numbers on the North American Continent were somewhere around the same as the IQs of the members of the red factions, surely a cause of the much feared climate change monster, (No longer referred to as global warming, because that theory faltered after Al Gore was divorced by his ex-wife Tipper Gore, thus ending Mr. Gore's cash flow) which has struck terror deep in the hearts of the red faction who find fear and loathing in just about everything they come in contact with.

To add insult to injury, the red faction has now set it sights on the Cartoon Character "Apu" who is a long time and very beloved character from the Simpsons TV series. Apu's character represents everything that is American. And I'm sure that even if any members of the red factions, anarchists, maoists or marxist - leninists  patronized the fictional characters 7-11 store, he would surely sell them all the booze,  cigarettes, rolling papers, pizza and chips that they could handle. So once again the red factions have bitten the hand that feeds them.

-Sergeant Shakes- Speare