What made me become an MRA (Men's Rights Activist)
"The Letter" Part I
In July of this last year I turned 55 years old. Having been raised in the middle of the
20th century, I was brought up with some very common values. It may sound cliche, but I
was raised to have basic respect, to believe that my parents were always right, that
America was a great place to live and that our system was fair and unbiased.
I maintained this frame of mind for a good part of my life.
In 1988, I got separated from my first wife and experienced a divorce. The divorce was
pretty typical as divorce goes, (and as we understand them here in our country). It had a
ton of animosity on the part of both myself and my ex-wife (nothing unusual here) and the
course that it took was just about the same as any divorce that I had ever heard about. I
had joint custody of my children and seen them frequently, which was good.
However, time went on I realized that the divorce had a component to it that I never
expected. After a while I began to see that friends that were formally very important
friends of mine suddenly became my ex-wives friends and divested me, and that my divorce,
despite the fact that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce seemed to carry a stygma.
Even stranger.. a childhood friend that I grew up with became very close to her as did a
another friend of mine who I had served with in the Navy. I wasn't necessarly hurt by this
as much as I was perplexed by this situation. I did'nt have time overthink it, I was in
the middle of a growing career in law enforcement and as a rule, I had very little time to
myself. I ended up re-marrying and having more children. The years flew by and my own
children from my first marriage grew into adulthood, and unfortrunately both children also
ended up on the divorce merry-go-round.
I ended up becoming estranged from my children now two grown adults. There are many
reasons for this, some known to me,and some not known to me. But then I began to realize
that there were many things in the background from the former marriage that I was unaware
of. Much of it was emotional and unspoke, but as time progressed, I began to understand.
My first son's wife had given birth to two children, my grandchildren, though I was
prohibited from partcipating in their lives because we had become separated by emotions
and hatred that I was aware of, but I was not clear on the reasons for the festering hate
or what was fueling the hate.
It was on a day that I was at my wits end over car trouble and a lack of money that I was
having, not to mention the fact that I would be unemployed shortly after this day due to a
lay off. But I decided to pick up the phone to my son to ask for his help. It was at this
time that I began to realize that something was seriously wrong in his own relationship
with his spouse.
We eventually got back together and he helped me get my car back working again. And then
it started to happen, his relationship began to unravel. As a child my son was diagnosed
with ADHD, Though I later learned that aspergers sydrome may run in our family, which is
milder form of autism.And this later information was showing through in my sons reactions
to his mpending divorce.To say the least,he was distraught and unable to cope with what
was happening and in a monentary lapse of judgement became suicidal. A fact that would be
sued against him, evem though no police reports were filed and no police intervention was
ever called for in his household.
It was during this time that he suddenly found himself being ejected from his home, by not
only his ex-wife, but his own sister and mother showed up to "assist him" in moving out.
From what he told me, he was confused and the situation sounded as though it was moving at
lightening speed and he did not want it to happen, but it did.
It was also around this time that I had also gotten a phone call from my own ex-wife and
she told me that she had been in close touch with my son's ex-wife and she had gotten his
own children for a family party and when my son intervened to take them home to their
mother a huge arguement ensued and she attempted to have him arrested. During this same
time, I was helping watch my grand daughter and was planning on taking her to a family
gathering. It was at this time that she told me that if my son were there, that she would
not allow me to see my grand daughter and placed me in a position to choose between my son
and my grand daughter.I am ashamed to say, that I folded to the same type of intimidation
and pressure that had taken away my other children and grand children year after year.
My son moved out of state in an attempt to find a job in a really tough national economy,
it was during this time that he was called to a public place to sign divorce papers with
his ex-wife. Also present were multiple male relations of his ex-wife. He later told me that he was intimidated and very nervous, so without thinking or knowing what he was doing, he signed the divorce papers.
It wasn't until a few months later that we all realized what had happened. He had no legal
counsel and had no idea what was to happen. I was concerned as to why he was not paying
child support and he had indicated that he had never reveived a letter or anything from
the state. It was at this time that I asked him to mail me a copy of his divorce decree.
Upon reading the document, I was shokced to find out that the agreement that he had signed
under duress took away the rights to ever participate in his kids lives and gave sole
custody to his ex-wife, and she did not ask for support. It was at this very moment when I
realized that there was a ongoing program, a system of "generational blackmail" that was
taking place. The use of systematic intimdation and character assaination taking place in
I immediately went to work to repair the damage that had been done myself, my son and our
relationship. I went to work, researching the law and helping him to represent himself
"pro se" (without legal counsel) and we wrote the petition to the court for visitation of
his children. Our battles were sucessful and he secured visitation, but not without being
fleeced for cash by the family courts.
During my experience with his situation I began to search online legal sources and I found
many websites dedicated to "men's rights" two words I had never heard anywhere else. But
then one day I went to the mail box athome and I found an envelope. It was hand written
with no return address. As I opned the letter and read it, I found that the three page
letter was an anonymous orgy of hate, threats and intimidation. Ironically it was adressed
to both my current wife and myself, but only adressed me and of course... my son.
In part II .. I will post "The Letter" and it's content....